Written with lots of help from the following TV.com users: tafj73, that70sshow2000, adrian313, friends4ever234, shout12, jhurley1, mkpsu, madison1314. Please feel free to contact me in case I missed a name.

Just minutes after season 10 finale ended.... 
 
CENTRAL PERK 
The gang is sitting around drinking coffee. 
CHANDLER: For the last time, Joe -- No, we did not steal the other baby.

JOEY: Yea h-ok, and I didn’t steal Ross’s watch. 

ROSS: You took my watch?

JOEY: What?

RACHEL: (sadly) So, when do you guys have to take off? 
 
MONICA: Well. Actually, it's kinda getting late. We should probably take off now.

Everyone gets quiet, not wanting to say 'goodbye' 
 
JOEY: (stuttering) Well, well, well --- Can we all come by tonight for, I don't know, like, dinner or something? 
 
CHANDLER: Sure. Why not. It’ll be like a housewarming party. 
 
MONICA: Oh, but we're not going to have any food in the house, so --- 
 
JOEY: What! No food? Ah, forget it then... 
 
MONICA: Joey. I was going to say --- We won't have any food in the house, so you should all bring a dish....and Chandler can barbecue or something.  
 
PHOEBE: Oh yeah! That sounds like fun. And I'll take Mike. He loves barbecue.  
 
JOEY: I'll bring the pizza! [beat] And sandwiches! And barbecue chips! 
 
ROSS: (standing up with Rachel) Well, we'll walk you out to the car.

CHANDLER: (whispering to Monica) You’re really letting me barbecue?

MONICA: (whispering to Chandler) Are you crazy? 
 
OUTSIDE CENTRAL PERK 
Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey are standing watching Monica and Chandler get into the car.  
 
CHANDLER: See you guys later!  
 
JOEY: We'll miss you! Bye babies! 
 
MONICA: We'll miss you guys, too. We'll call you when we get there. 
 
CHANDLER: Yeah, and call us anytime. Really, anytime you miss us -- don't hesitate to call. [pause] And Joe, we’ll try to send you a lasagna every week.

JOEY: I just love you man (Hugs Chandler).

He gets into the car and him and Monica drive away. The gang is left their waving goodbye sadly. 
 
Joey gets out his cell phone and starts dialing. 
 
ROSS: Who're you calling? 
 
JOEY: (into his cell phone): You there yet buddy? 
 
CHANDLER (through Joey's cell) At least wait 'til we get out of your sight, Joe! 
 
Opening Credits 
 
CENTRAL PERK  
Joey, Rachel, and Ross are drinking coffee sitting on the couch. 
 
JOEY: Wow. So you two are actually finally back together. For good this time? 
 
ROSS: (smiles at Rachel) Absolutely. 
 
RACHEL: (smiles back) For good this time. 
 
JOEY: Or at least 'til Ross goes back to that copy shop.

Ross and Rachel give him a mean glare. 
 
JOEY: Uh, uh... Who said that? (starts looking around) Gunther!

GUNTHER: What?

RACHEL: Forget it dear, you can go back to your coffee.

GUNTHER: (with a compassionate tone) Ook. 
 
ROSS: Anyway, so Rach, are we still on for our "museum date" tomorrow night? 
 
RACHEL: Mmhmm. I really can't wait. I'm gonna wear my new outfit I bought for Paris.

JOEY: Yeah, you are! 
 
RACHEL: Joey, you haven't even seen it yet. 
 
JOEY: I can see it so clearly; it's a sexy black lingerie "dress". (Looks up smiling as he imagines it)

ROSS: Joey! That’s my girlfriend.

JOEY: But she was my ex. 
 
RACHEL: It's not lingerie Joey. 
 
JOEY: Why do you have to ruin it for me? What did I ever do to you, huh? 
 
ROSS: Anyway---Do you wanna go back to my place or yours after the date? 
 
JOEY: Uh, dude. You're a real nice guy and all, but you’re just not my type.  
 
RACHEL: (ignoring Joey) Your place. (she winks) 
 
JOEY: Oh, I saw that! (turns to Ross) Oh, you're gonna get lucky tonight, buddy!

Both Rachel and Ross shake their heads at him.

RACHEL: Very lucky. 
 
JOEY: (to Ross) You're gonna have to step up tonight---be really good in bed.  
 
ROSS: Joey! 
 
JOEY: What? Hey, I'm just saying, the last guy Rachel dated was me. So, you have a high bar to compete with. You know. Sexually. 
 
RACHEL: Joey, we’ve never even slept together.  
 
JOEY: Damn it, Rachel! Why do you keep doing ruining it? What, I mean what, did I ever do to you? (he gets up and leaves)

Ross and Rachel laugh, and hug each other. 
 
MIKE'S APARTMENT 
Phoebe and Mike are on the couch making out. 
 
MIKE: (kissing Phoebe) Oh...Oh---Oh, you are so hot! 
 
PHOEBE: Oh, I know. Oh-YOU TOO! (giggling, starts to unbutton his shirt) Oh, no no no! 
 
MIKE: Oh, yes yes yes! That's right. Keep unbuttoning, sweetie. 
 
PHOEBE: (sits up) No. I just remembered---we have to go over Monica and Chandler's new place tonight for dinner. [beat] Oh no no NOO!  
 
MIKE: There's more? 
 
PHOEBE: And we have to bring a dish! 
 
MIKE: They don't have food in their own house? 
 
PHOEBE: Well, they just moved in, so, um, no.  
Mike frowns. 
 
PHOEBE: Oh, I don't feel like going over there tonight. I just....want have hot, Mike & Phoebe sex!  
 
MIKE: So...then, we won't go. Just call and cancel. (shrugs) To be honest, I don't even like Monica too much---and Chandler, I never know when to laugh and not. 
 
PHOEBE: I can't cancel though. It's Monica and Chandler, and their new house. And Ross, Rachel, and Joey are gonna be there, too. They're all my best friends. 
 
MIKE: And mine too.

PHOEBE: No they’re not.

MIKE: They’re my friends too Phoebe…  
 
PHOEBE: So, what are we gonna do? 
 
MIKE: I think we should go. I mean, they're your friends and you've known them for so long. Plus it’s their new house, with their new babies---all of their friends should be there tonight. Including me. I mean I don't want it to be like, we get married and you stop hanging out with your friends. Besides, it'll be fun to hang out with another married couple. Plus Ross and Rachel are a couple now, so it'll be like three couples having fun at a barbecue---while babysitting... 
 
PHOEBE: Oh, that's right. I forgot about their twins---Erica and Jack. 
 
MIKE: Oh, yeah. Except I was talking about, you know, Joey. 
 
MONICA AND CHANDLER'S NEW HOUSE 
Chandler's sitting in the couch watching television; Monica's frantically cleaning their new house; there are boxes still all around them. 
 
MONICA: Chandler, the boxes won’t move themselves. 
 
CHANDLER: I just put the twins down for their nap. That’s more stressful than helping you! And you know how stressful it is to help you?

MONICA: (in a harsh tone) Just help with the cleaning!  
 
CHANDLER: I would, but....I'm a little scared to be within five feet of this Monica.  
 
MONICA: OK, Chandler. Seriously, everyone's gonna be here in five hours. Five hours! 
 
CHANDLER: Honey, it's gonna be OK. They all know we just moved in. They’ll expect a lot of boxes laying around. They would find it weird if there weren’t a whole lot of boxes around. 
 
MONICA: Of course they would! I live here! 
 
CHANDLER: You know what, Let me take your mind off it. (starts to kiss her) 
 
MONICA: Oh, alright. I guess I’ll just say I was busy with the babies! (she kisses him back) 
 
JOEY'S APARTMENT 
Joey is thinking about what to make for the dinner tonight. 
 
JOEY'S THOUGHTS: OK, time to make some food for tonight. I can do this---I'm Joey. I love food. (opens refrigerator) (Pause) Beer. Baking soda. Regular soda. Cherry soda. Oh, an egg carton. (opens it up) With no eggs inside. (tosses it behind him) Ah, milk! You can make anything with milk. (checks the date) Oh... (tosses milk carton behind him).Oh! I know... 
He goes outside to the hall and knocks on Mondler's old apartment door.  
 
JOEY: Monica! Chan! Open up! (pause) Oh, wait... (has a desperate look on his face) (knocks again) Anyone? Open up! Oh, I know... 
Joey stands up, runs, and breaks open the door right off its hinges. He walks into an empty apartment, and opens the fridge. 
 
JOEY: Nothing!? Damn it! 
 
ROSS'S APARTMENT 
Ross and Rachel are playing a game with almost-two-year-old Emma. 
 
ROSS: OK Emma, you move six spaces. 
 
EMMA: Yay!  
Rachel moves the piece for her. 
 
RACHEL: (gasps fakely for Emma) Emma, you get to move all the way up this ladder! 
 
EMMA: Yay! 
The phone rings. 
 
ROSS: (picks up phone) Hello?  
 
JOEY: (on other end of phone) Ross, it's Joey. Listen, are you and Rachel making a dish? 
 
ROSS: What? Oh. Oh, yeah. For Monica's barbecue. Damn it, I forgot all about it. 
 
JOEY: So, you're not making anything?! 
 
ROSS: Well, not yet. But we will. Why? What's up, Joe? 
 
JOEY: Uh. Uh, well, do you think you and Rachel could pick me up and we all go together? 
 
ROSS: Sure, no problem. 
 
JOEY: Great! Then since I'm going with you, that means I'll just bring the dish you and Rachel make! Great, buddy! (hurriedly) See you later! 
 
ROSS: Joey, wait--- 
 
JOEY: Oh, no! No, the baby duck just crapped on my chair! Bad duck! (hangs up the phone) 
 
RACHEL: What was that about? 
 
ROSS: Well, we need to make a dish for Monica's barbecue. And also, Joey's using us for our dish because he can't cook.  
 
RACHEL: Oh, God--(looks toward Emma)--Gosh darn it! What're we gonna bring?  
Emma tugs on Rachel's shirt. 
 
RACHEL: Oh, what's wrong, Emma? Aw, you wanna finish Candy Land? (to Ross) Oh, well. Now we can't cook! 
 
MIKE'S APARTMENT 
Phoebe and Mike are in the kitchen making brownies. 
 
MIKE: So, question: What if Ross and Rachel decide to make a dessert? 
 
PHOEBE: Then we'll have two. Oh well, Monica never assigned us specific dishes. (looks confused) Hmm, she must of just been overwhelmed with getting the twins and moving. (Mike nods) Yeah. No, if anyone else makes a dessert---it'll be Joey. 
 
MIKE: Really? I was just expecting him to bring ten meat ball subs from Subway. 
 
PHOEBE: He probably will. Oh! Give me two eggs, dear. 
Mike cracks two eggs over into the bowl. 
 
PHOEBE: Thanks. And now, lets see, now I need *reads the brownie box label* two cups of milk. 
 
MIKE: OK. (opens fridge and looks for milk) Uh honey, there's no milk in here---oh wait, here's some. (pulls it out)  
 
PHOEBE: Great! Oh phew, that was a close one! 
 
MIKE: Uh nevermind. This milk is (checks date again) five months old. Hey question---why do you have five-month-old milk in your fridge?  
 
PHOEBE: (shrugs) I have no idea. Wait, are we in Joey's apartment? 
 
MIKE: What are we gonna do? Now we have to start over with a new dessert. That doesn't require milk to make. 
 
PHOEBE: (checks watch) But we have to be there soon, and we still have to have sex a few times. Look, why don't we just continue to make the brownies and use the old, sour, (looks in the milk carton) chunky, milk?  
 
MIKE: We can't do that! This is Monica and Chandler's first barbecue at their new house. I don't wanna be the one responsible for ruining that.  
 
PHOEBE: Afraid of Monica? 
 
MIKE: Terrified. Look, why don't I just run to the store and pick up some fresh milk? 
 
PHOEBE: No! I'm not gonna let Monica's controlling....ness, get in the way of me and my new husband's sex time! OK. OK! Here's what we're gonna do---finish making the brownies with the lumpy milk, go in our bedroom and undress each other, and then proceed to have sex at least two times before Monica's already-controlling-and-pain-in-the...my-ass barbecue! Oh and we need to try out my new handcuffs during foreplay, k? 
 
MIKE: I'm not gonna say no to that! [beat] I don't actually have to eat the brownies, do I?  
 
MONICA AND CHANDLER'S APARTMENT 
Chandler is in front of the main door holding the twins, while Monica is doing some last minute cleaning. She looks at Chandler and the twins making sure they look all right.  
 
MONICA: Oh, Chandler. Stand up straight. If you hunch, your back becomes arched---and then you have to go live in clock tower.  
 
CHANDLER: Yes, mother.  
Monica eyes him down and then starts brushing his shirt with her feather duster.  
 
CHANDLER: Okay, I'm gonna need some reminders as to why I married you again.

MONICA: (laughs) You know what? Look at the time, and they're already late. I don't think they're gonna be here at all. So, I was thinking...(Winks at him)

CHANDLER: Oh no, Will I have to scrub the bathroom again?

MONICA: Uh, Noo…

CHANDLER: Ooooh, oooh, yeah. (They start to go inside the bedroom) Oooh, oh, wait. The twins...we have to put them to sleep first.

MONICA: Oh, okay. I'll be in the bedroom. (Goes to the bedroom)

CHANDLER: I said we!

ROSS's APARTMENT.

Rachel and Ross are there, on their way to the door.

ROSS: Okay, you got everything we need?

RACHEL: Yeah. But, wait, can I go to the bathroom real quick?

ROSS: We're gonna be late...oh, fine! Go ahead.

RACHEL: Okay, thanks. (Runs to the bathroom) (Voice Over, from the bathroom to the living room) All right, you know what? Too late!

JOEY'S AND RACHEL'S APARTMENT.

Joey is still trying to figure out what to bring over for Monica and Chandler's barbecue dinner.

JOEY: Chips? Nah, that wouldn't be too respectful. (Short pause) Oh, I know! Tissues! (IN THOUGHTS) Ha-ha. Congratulations, Joey Tribbiani, you have got it! You have got it! Ooh yeah, I got it! (Looks around and finds a tissue box, grabs it, then just looks at it) Why does it have the face of a little cute baby on it? Oh, no! Monica gave this to me!! Ok I need to relax. I just need a good excuse. An excuse… An excuse… Aha! I’ll just tell them, I don’t share food! Wait no, what the hell am I thinking.

COMMERCIAL BREAK.

MIKE'S AND PHOEBE'S APARTMENT.
Phoebe and Mike are making some food in the kitchen.

PHOEBE: Mike, this isn't working out!

MIKE: (gasps) Are you breaking up with me?!

PHOEBE: No, I mean, this! Monica knows that we have nothing to do with food, she won't blame us if we bring over...nothing.

MIKE: Nothing? Phoebe, I don't want us to be known as the "cheap couple"!

PHOEBE: Well, it still would be better than bringing over a pack of peanuts, now wouldn't it? (Pause) Hey, we can bring over a pack of peanuts!

ROSS'S APARTMENT.
Ross is still waiting in the living room for Rachel.

ROSS: Rachel, are you okay? You've been in there for, like, an hour.

RACHEL: (coming out of the bathroom) Yeah, sure. I'm fine. Let's go.

ROSS: All right. Why don't you hold the, uhm, ...(realizes that Rachel is staring at him) What?

RACHEL: Who is Stephanie? (Takes out a shampoo from her pocket, turns it around to reveal a piece of paper sticked to the shampoo with the words "FROM STEPHANIE. TO DEAREST ROSS." on it.)

ROSS: (nervous) Uhhhh....you know, we--like--just recovered from our relationship, I think we went a little far, using each other's bathrooms!

RACHEL: Ross! I think we went a little far quickly recovering from our relationship.

(Long Silence)

ROSS: I'm sorry, what?

MONICA AND CHANDLER'S BEDROOM (IN THEIR NEW HOUSE)
Monica and Chandler are in bed.

CHANDLER: (sighs) Aw, that was so good, wasn't it?

MONICA: Yeah. I hear crying. Do you think it's the babies? Why don't you go check on them? Thanks, sweetie. (Gives him a small kiss)

CHANDLER: Monica, what's wrong?

MONICA: What? Nothing! Just a little worried about the twins!

CHANDLER: You checked on them three minutes ago!

MONICA: And they were crying, now weren't they?

CHANDLER: Monica, what's going on? Do you not want to have sex with me?

MONICA: No, no, that is so not what this is!

CHANDLER: What is it then?

MONICA: Yeah. I don't wanna have sex with ya.

(Chandler gasps)

JOEY'S APARTMENT.
Joey is still thinking over some stuff to bring for the barbecue.

Joey: [thinking] I was at work, got late because one of the actors was throwing up in a garbage can, and we had to wait until he finished the surgery at the hospital, then I had to buy him a FEEL BETTER card, but turned out I forgot my wallet at the apartment, had to drive back here...Oh, no! Went too far!!! (Pause) I just couldn't bring over anything! Yeah! (Starts for the door) No, wait. What if I pretend to be sick and go to the hospital? AHA! But, no. Then I gotta pay for the hospital, and what if I forget my wallet at the apartment? Noooo, too risky!

MIKE'S AND PHOEBE'S APARTMENT.
Phoebe and Mike are there.

MIKE: Okay, so we couldn't make any food because the oven is not working, so we went to the closest store to be early for the dinner, but the store was closing, so all we found at the apartment was a pack of peanuts. [Pause] You really think that would work?

PHOEBE: I'm telling you, of course it's gonna work. I always do it on them, and they're so easy to believe that kind of crap!

MIKE: Oh, yeah? Like what?

PHOEBE: Like...like, all right. Well, ooh! I pretended to be attached to my rats, so I had to pretend to cry for letting 'em go! (Laughs) See? How dumb are they to believe that?!

MIKE: You told that to me.

[Pause]

PHOEBE: Well, sometimes I do think of the rats at night.

ROSS AND RACHEL'S APARTMENT.
Ross and Rachel are standing at the door.

RACHEL: How are you gonna explain this? Who is this Stephanie of yours, and why is she calling you DEAREST ROSS?

ROSS: Well, I am a dear, now, aren't I?

RACHEL: Ross!

ROSS: All right! Well, the thing is, a few days before you decided to take the job to Paris, I met this woman at the coffeehouse.

RACHEL: (groans) Stephanie!

ROSS: No, Jennie. (Pause) Whose sister turned out to work with me at the Morgan Chase Museum.

RACHEL: Let me guess, Stephanie?

ROSS: No, her friend is Stephanie.

RACHEL: Oooooh...

ROSS: We...we just went out on ONE date. I swear, Rach! I swear. And she bought me a little gift. (Rachel looks at the shampoo in a weird way) Never went out again.

RACHEL: What did you get her?

ROSS: Nothing.

RACHEL: And you wondered why you never went out again, huh?

ROSS: Look, Rachel, I cannot tell you how incredibly lucky I am to be with you again. All my life, I knew I was gonna end up with the woman I deserve to be with. With the woman who gives me the passion, the strength, the ability to live life for the fullest. And I think I've found her.

[Long Pause]

RACHEL: It's me, right? It's not that horny b*tch, Stephanie, right?

ROSS: Noo! It's you, Rach! It's definitely you!

[They kiss]

RACHEL: Okay, we're SO late to dinner. I think Monica's not gonna let us live life for tomorrow!

ROSS: I think so too! (They rush out.)

MONICA AND CHANDLER'S BEDROOM.
Chandler is giving Monica a shocked look.

CHANDLER: What do you mean, you don't wanna have sex with me? What, what's wrong with me? I still got it!!

MONICA: No, Chandler, I know! I know that! I know that...you still got it. (Pause) But it's just that...we're not using protection, and we already have the twins. I kinda thought that maybe...you know?

CHANDLER: You think just by having sex, you're gonna get pregnant?

MONICA: That’s usually how it works!

CHANDLER: Mon, we're married now. We've been married for over three years now. All this time, we've been trying to have a baby.

MONICA: Yes, and now we have one! Uh-I mean, two!

CHANDLER: But we're married. Don't you think we should have a whole family?

[Long Silence]

MONICA: Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. Let's do it! Let's have a whole bunch of kids!]

CHANDLER: Yeah!

MONICA: Let's have ten!

(Chandler stops.)

CHANDLER: Okay, went too far.

MONICA: Hey, do you hear that? What's that noise?

CHANDLER: Eh, it must be the kids.

MONICA: Eh, who cares?

(They start making out.)

[CUT to outside Monica and Chandler's house where Phoebe, Mike, Joey, Ross and Rachel are standing, knocking on the door with food in their hands.]

ROSS: Joey! You brought chips?!

JOEY: Uhh, I don’t share food?

PHOEBE: Where the hell are they?

RACHEL: I guess they cancelled it.

JOEY: Aw, man! I wasted all my time for this!

ROSS: You brought over a pack of chips!

JOEY: I know, how much time do you think it took me to think about it?!

ROSS: Ahh, good point.

JOEY'S AND RACHEL'S APARTMENT.
Ross, Rachel and Phoebe are crying on the couch.

PHOEBE: (crying) I guess everything has to change once in a while.

RACHEL: (crying) But I don't want them to! I mean, why can't everything just go back to normal, where we're all together on Christmas and Halloween and Labor Day...?

ROSS: (crying) Well, Monica and Chandler have a family now. We have to accept that. But, hey, I mean the three of us and Joey are never gonna part. Right?

PHOEBE: Yeah, I guess so. (Wipes her tears with her tissue) Here you go. (Gives the same tissue she used, to Rachel.)

RACHEL: Yeah, we're never gonna part.

JOEY: (walking in, excited) Guess what?! I'm moving to L.A.!

[Long Silence]

ROSS: (pretending) That’s… great, Joe.

JOEY: What's going on? Who died? (gasps) Chick Jr. and Duck Jr. are okay, right?

PHOEBE: Yeah, they're fine. And so are we. (Looks at Ross and Rachel. The three of them hug Joey) We're just so excited about you going to L.A.

(The hug lasts for a little while, leading Ross, Rachel and Phoebe to be disappointed and desperate as the camera slowly zooms in to their faces before it fades to black.)

CLOSING CREDITS

The premiere episode for Season 11 does not have any closing captions.

END.