Previously on Friends…

(Scene: Monica and Chandler's place. Phoebe, Chandler, Monica, Joey and Mike have their ears on the dining-room/kitchen door as they are listening to Ross and Rachel from across)

Phoebe: Ok, what're they saying? What're they saying?

Chandler: Ross just said "UH Rach".

Monica: Ooh, I got an "Uh-huh" from Rachel!

All: Yes!

(Cut to the kitchen)

Ross: I am so deeply in-love with you and I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy, Rach. (on one knee) Rachel Karen Greene, will you marry me?

(Long pause)

(Cut to the dining room)

Phoebe: (whispering) He just asked her to marry him.

Monica: Oh, my god what'd she say? What'd she say?

(Long Pause)

Joey: I-I think she said yes.

Phoebe: Oh my god, Joey, are you sure?

Joey: No, not really but—

Phoebe: Well oh my god this is so great then! Woohoo!

Joey: Well, actually, Pheebs, I could barely listen to half the things she—

Phoebe: We should celebrate! Woohoo! Ross and Rachel, finally tying the knot—again! Woohoo!

(Cut back to the kitchen.)

Ross: Did you hear that?

Rachel: I think that's Phoebe. So, anyway, you were saying?

Ross: (chuckles) I'd just asked you to be my wife.

(Pause)

Rachel: And?

Ross: You were just about to answer.

(Pause)

Rachel: And what was I going to answer?

(Cut back to the dining-room.)

Joey: Is anybody else hungry?

Monica: Joey, we'll eat after Rachel says "yes".

Chandler: After Rachel says "yes"?

Monica: Yeah.

Chandler: What makes you so sure she's not gonna say "no"?

All: C'mon! Pfft. Chandler!

Chandler: She could say "no", y'know.

Joey: Stop ruining it! (turns to Monica) Monica, control your man.

(Monica takes Chandler by the arm and they walk away a little bit)

Monica: Do you know something?

Chandler: I know you're killing my arm—arghh, arg, aaaahh!

Monica: (letting go of his arm) How do you know that Rachel might say "no"?

Chandler: Because she told me she might say "no", ok?

Monica: Oh, wow.

Chandler: Yeah.

Monica: I don't believe you. (walks back to the group to overhear Ross and Rachel from the door)

Chandler: Hey! We're married! You're supposed to believe me! (hand on place where Monica grabbed his arm) And not hurt me!

Monica: Oh, stop being such a baby and come nose round with us on Ross and Rachel.

(Back to the kitchen.)

(Rachel sighs—Ross is still on one knee)

Ross: Ok, kinda on one knee over here.

Rachel: (sighs again) Look, Ross, maybe we should talk about this first.

Ross: We are. Right now. Marry me, Rachel.

Rachel: Ross, we are finally in a great place in our lives right now. We're together! Finally! No-one's slept with a copy-girl yet. No-one's overworking and ignoring the other "one". We are finally working in our relationship perfectly.

Ross: Isn't that why we should get married?

Rachel: (puts a hand on his) That's why we should keep things the way they are.

Ross: You know I can't keep things the way they are. We have to move forward, Rach. We've been on and off, on and off for the past eleven years for god's sake! We've been dating for half a year now, we have a baby together…

Rachel: Ross, I love you.

Ross: I love you too.

(They kiss)

Ross: Please marry me.

(Long Silence)

(Back to the dining-room.)

Mike: Ok, we have Ross proposing here again. (short pause) Does he just like doing this a hundred times?

Phoebe: Are you kidding me? In his second marriage, he proposed offering an earring.

Mike: Awe. That's actually kinda sweet.

Phoebe: Yeah, well you should've been there actually and you'll see that it wasn't sweet, that it was horrible. Just plain horrible!

Monica: No, it wasn't.

Phoebe: Okay, it wasn't. Mike, yours was.

Mike: Hey!

Joey: Ooh, you shoulda seen their proposal. (referring to Monica and Chandler)

Mike: Why?

Joey: Monica did it.

Mike: Monica proposed? Are you serious?

Chandler: Wha—she—wha—Phoebe proposed to you at a Knicks game!

Joey: He gets pedicures.

(They all glare at Chandler.)

Chandler: (to Joey) Thank you.

Monica: (ear on door) Hey, hey, hey, I just got Ross saying "Please marry me".

Phoebe: Oh my god that's so desperate. Is she saying no?

(Back to the kitchen.)

Rachel: Ross… (takes a deep breath) Okay.

Ross: What?

(Back to the dining-room.)

Phoebe: What?

Monica: What?

Chandler: WHAT?

(Back to the kitchen.)

Rachel: Let's get married.

Ross: Oh, my god.

(They hug and kiss and everyone else now enters the kitchen)

Rachel: You guys, you guys! (showing the ring) WE'RE ENGAGED!

All: Ahh!

(They all hug Rachel and Ross)

Joey: This is like the best... Thanksgiving ever!

Phoebe: Hey, what about that time I got you that broom, that you thought was a coat hanger?

Joey: I gotta say, that was my best Thanksgiving.

Ross: (to Phoebe) Didn't I get you that broom for Christmas a few years ago?

Phoebe: (changing the subject) Okay, so let's celebrate your engagement! (turns to Ross) Not yours. Hers.

Monica: (to Rachel) Congratulations.

Rachel: Thanks.

Monica: Are you crying?

Rachel: Oh, these are—these are happy tears.

Monica: Awwww.

Rachel: No, they're not. I think Emma just tripped! (rushes out the kitchen.)

(Scene: Monica and Chandler's dining-room table. Everyone is seated for dinner and they're all happy and smiling.)

Joey: (glass of wine up) To Ross and Rachel. (They all raise their glasses to drink) May this marriage be Ross's last.

Ross: Amen!

Mike: To Ross and Rachel.

(They all cling classes and start to drink)

Mike: (to Phoebe) Oh, honey, honey, honey… (takes away her glass before she gets to drink)

Phoebe: Oh…right.

Monica: What's going on?

(Phoebe and Mike exchange looks)

Phoebe: I just took some Motrin. I don't think mixing that with wine is very effective. (fake-chuckles)

Chandler: Ugh, god, I'm so glad this worked out fine between you guys.

Ross: Yeah, me too. (puts an arm around Rachel)

Chandler: And I'm so glad you didn't say "no", Rach, y'know like you were gonna.

(Pause)

Ross: What?

Rachel: …What?

Ross: You, uh, (clears throat) You were gonna…you were gonna say no?

Rachel: (sniffs) No! No, Chandler's just—Chandler's just being, y'know, Chandler.

Joey: (showing a fist at Chandler) I'm gonna thump you later.

Chandler: No, no, Ross, Ross, wait. Hold on, I uh I was just kidding. Obviously. I mean, she said yes, you guys are engaged, everything worked out just fine!

Ross: Yeah, you're right.

Chandler: Yeah. To Ross and Rachel, again.

Phoebe: Ok, now you guys are just rubbing it in.

(They all—but Phoebe—drink again.)

Ross: But just one question, Rach: why were you gonna say no?

Rachel: I wasn't gonna say "no", ugh Ross would you just let it go?

Ross: Obviously, there was a teeny, tiny part of you that wanted to say no, otherwise Chandler never would've said what he said, right? (turns to look at Chandler)

(Awkward Silence)

Chandler: I-I still get pedicures.

Ross: I'm not forcing you to do this, y'know.

Rachel: Ross, I want to marry you. Would you please let it go now so we can have fun on Thanksgiving?

Ross: Fine.

Monica: Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Joey: You too. Ooh, I'm gonna call Janice and Sean and wish them a happy Thanksgiving.

Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, did you say Janice?

Joey: Yeah, oh didn't I tell you? She lives next doors now.

Chandler: Oh, awesome, but why do you have her number?

Joey: For emergencies like this.

Chandler: Oh yeah I forgot we're all catching on fire!

Joey: (picks up his phone) Speed dial 7.

Chandler: Wha—?

(Scene: Phoebe & Mike's place. They are just returning from dinner.)

Mike: When are we gonna tell them?

Phoebe: Soon, I just – it's Thanksgiving, you know? I didn't want to steal its thunder! (Pause) Plus, everyone was all excited and talkin' about Ross and Rachel getting engaged.

Mike: Yeah. Y'wanna go to sleep?

Phoebe: And conceive another child? Sure! (Mike looks at her.) Never mind, let's just sleep.

Mike: Ok.

(They're now heading off to sleep)

Phoebe: Mike, can we name the baby Phoeb-o?

Mike: We'll think about it.

Phoebe: Or Jinxie? Ooh, I've always wanted to name my boy Hercules!

(Scene: Joey & Rachel's apartment. Ross is at the door saying good-bye)

Rachel: I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Ross: Bye. I love you.

Rachel: I love you too.

(They kiss, Ross leaves and Rachel shuts the door. She sighs as she puts Emma to sleep)

Rachel: Good-night, Emma. Happy Thanksgiving.

(Emma drifts to sleep)

Rachel: God, that was fast.

(Joey enters)

Joey: Hey.

Rachel: Hey.

Joey: So?

Rachel: So?

Joey: Are you alright?

Rachel: Yeah. I mean, I will be. C'mon, Ross and I have been going through this for over ten years now. We should-he deserves to be happy and if marrying me makes him happy…

Joey: But are you happy about marrying Ross? I mean, it would be your second marriage, to the same guy. And let's not forget the first time you almost got married.

Rachel: Stop scaring me even more. I'm already dreading this whole thing.

(Pause)

Rachel: Oh my god. Did I just…did I just say that?

Joey: You don't wanna marry Ross?

Rachel: Yes, I do! I don't know why I said that! Maybe it's the tequila talking!

Joey: (wincing) YOU HAD TEQUILA AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?

Rachel: Yes, I did—after dinner. You brought the tequila!

Joey: Yeah, I think I'm a little drunk.

(They chuckle)

Rachel: (sighs) Good-night.

Joey: Happy Thanksgiving.

Rachel: You too.

Joey: So did you and Ross talk about where you're gonna have the honeymoon?

Rachel: Yeah, we're thinking Central Perk.

(They chuckle again)

Joey: Cause, y'know, the apartment's free too.

Rachel: Yeah, thanks Joe.

Joey: (gasps) Or you could have it on the roof!

(Rachel goes to her room and shuts the door)

Joey: I mean, who doesn't like a roof-top honeymoon? But you should be aware, there's a lot of mice up there.

Rachel (vo): Joey, go to sleep!

Joey: Fine! (He goes to his room and shuts the door)

(Long Silence)

Joey (vo): Man, you honeymooning with Ross in Central Perk. Gunther's gonna be maaaaad.

A Few Weeks Later.

(Scene: Central Perk. Monica, with Jack and Erica, is having coffee with Phoebe—don't worry, she's only having some herbal tea)

Monica: It's so weird. I swear I've never seen you drinking some tea before.

Phoebe: Well, it's a different time.

Monica: But we're at the coffeehouse!

Phoebe: Ooh, maybe I'll inspire them to call it a teahouse!

(Ross enters)

Ross: (cold tone) Hi.

Phoebe: Hey, Ross, why so horny?

(Monica turns and looks at Phoebe for a second, confused by what she said, then back at Ross)

Monica: Ross, what's going on?

Ross: I-it-it's Rachel. We-I-I don't know.

Phoebe: Didn't you guys just get engaged, like, yesterday?

Ross: Yeah?

Phoebe: Oh, ok.

Ross: No, look, it's just that-well, after dinner, I asked her to spend the night with me at my apartment and she said she wanted to go to her place. I mean, we're engaged for god's sakes! We're supposed to-y'know, we're supposed to be together and stuff.

Monica: Look, maybe she was just tired, you know? I mean, it was a long night.

Ross: I-I don't know, I guess. But it's just-I've left her sixteen messages on her answering machine already and she hasn't replied, not once.

Phoebe: Maybe her phone broke down.

Ross: We have phone booths in New York City!

Phoebe: Well, then, maybe she's allergic.

Ross: I-I-I need to go talk to her. Bye. (leaves)

Monica: Bye, Ross! And Merry Christmas!

Phoebe: Can you believe Ross didn't get me anything for Christmas?

Monica: Can you believe you did the exact same thing to all your other friends?

Phoebe: Awe, someone's a little jealous someone else's getting all the attention.

Monica: What attention?

Phoebe: Well, Mike's been really helpful now that I'm pregn—oh.

Monica: Oh, my god Phoebe you're pregnant?

Phoebe: No, no, I'm-I didn't say that. I said I'm pregn-oh.

Monica: How could you not tell us?

Phoebe: What, and steal Santa Claus's thunder? Y'know, I'm not that mean.

Monica: Oh my god, well how're you feeling?

Phoebe: I-I-I'm feeling good. I don't know, Mike wants us to tell but I'm just not ready.

Monica: Why not?

Phoebe: Because it isn't his.

(Long Silence)

(Phoebe bursts into laughter)

Monica: I hate you!

Phoebe: You actually believe that I would cheat on Mike?

Monica: Well, you believed that I would cheat on Chandler.

Phoebe: Of course I believe that! Chandler's gay.

(Monica shakes her head in frustration.)

END…