The One With The Job Offer

*Legal mumbo-jumbo: This story is not licensed or endorsed by
Bright, Kauffman and Crane Productions and/or Warner Brothers. All characters
and Central Perk are registered trademarks of Warner Brothers, all rights
reserved.

TOW The Job Offer

[Central Perk. Ross and Joey are on the sofa and Chandler is on the chair, with
his leg in a cast, resting on a cushion]

** Gunther walks up and pours some coffee **

Gunther: That really sucks what happened to you

Chandler: Yeah, but it could have been worse

Gunther: Yeah (motioning to Ross), you could be related to him

** Ross glares at Gunther, not amused **

Joey: So how long do you have to wear that cast?

Chandler: For about 6 more weeks

Joey: Ya know what? We're both in a cast

** Chandler stares at Joey, waiting for him to explain **

Joey: You're in a cast and I'm an actor. I'm in a cast too!

Chandler (muttering): Except my cast actually serves a useful purpose

** Rachel, Phoebe, and Monica enter and take their usual places. Rachel snuggles
up to Ross, while Gunther watches in disgust **.

Gunther (thinking to himself): What do you see in him? Ohhhh I'm Ross. Ohhh I'm
a doctor! Never mind that my patients died millions of years ago!

Ross: Hey, can we get a scone?

Gunther: Don't you have everything you want, already?

Phoebe: Ya know what Chandler? Everything that you've been thru inspired me to
write a song!

** Chandler is moved that he inspired her. Phoebe gets out her guitar and sings
a song about life, love, and broken legs....but the tune is oddly similar to
Gilligan's Island. After she finishes, there are a few claps of applause **

Chandler: Uhhhh................thanks for the song, Pheebs.

Phoebe (proud of herself): You bet!

** Ross starts to hum the tune as Phoebe smiles **

Ross: I don't know why, but that sounded a little......oh I don't
know.......familiar?

Phoebe: Of course it does, silly. I just played it

** Ross looks at her in bewilderment **

Ross: IT'S THE THEME FROM GILLIGAN'S ISLAND!

Phoebe: Uh-Uh!

Ross: Na-Ha

** Ross starts to sing the song, but Phoebe cuts in off in the first verse **

Phoebe: That's not fair! He already has his own Island! Why does he get to have
my song, too!

Joey: Don't listen to him! I thought that song was one of your best ones,
Pheebs.

Phoebe: Thanks, Joe. You always did have an ear for good music!

Chandler: This from the person who thought the Beach Boys were from Ohio!

Joey: Hey! Ohio HAS a beach!

** Chandler sighs and buries his head into his hands **

-- Opening Credits --

[Phoebe and Monica's apartment]

Phoebe: Hey, who wants some home-made ice cream

Ross: That sounds good

Joey: I'll have some, too.

Phoebe: Ok.....we need some cream, milk, sugar, and rock-salt....oh, and one of
those ice-cream machines. Ross, run to the store real fast, K?

Ross (sarcastically): Do you want me to make the ice cream, too?

Phoebe: Thanks! I'm really tired.

** Phoebe sits on the sofa and turns on the TV and Ross leaves in a huff **

** A few seconds later, Ross comes running back to the apartment **

Ross: Monica is on her way up! Our parents are coming and she wants this place
spotless and has jobs for all you guys. It's too late for me, but run and save
yourselves!

** Phoebe tries to hide behind the shower curtain and Joey tries to run out the
door **

Monica: Not so fast, Tribbiani !

** Joey whimpers as Monica marches him back inside **

** Pause **

Monica; Where the hell is Phoebe?

** The shower curtain rattles and Monica pulls it back to find Phoebe cowering
in the corner **

Phoebe: SON OF A BITCH!

Monica: OK, People! This is not a drill! Our parents are coming tomorrow and
this place is nowhere near Monica's Code of Cleanliness.

Joey: Dear God!

Monica: It's time for Operation: Clean Sweep!

Joey: Hey, why's Chandler not helping (Joey points to Chandler who is on the
chair reading the newspaper, with his crutches at his side)

Monica: Hey, give him some slack! He just got out of the hospital!

Joey: I wish I could find a car to hit me

Chandler: OK, Joe. I promise that the next time Monica has us in lock-down mode
for cleaning, I'll hit you with my car.

Joey: I'll hold you to it!

** The phone rings **

Monica: Hello?......Yes he is.

** Monica hands the phone to Ross while she goes over cleaning detail with Joey
and Phoebe **

** Ross hangs up the phone, kind of shocked **

Monica: What is it?

Ross: I'm up for a promotion!

Joey: That's great

Monica: That's great!

Ross: I am up for Head Director of Paleontology.

** Rachel enters **

Monica: Ross just got promoted to Head Director of Paleontology

Rachel (excitedly): That's great sweetie! That's always been your dream!

Ross: There's a catch.....

Monica: What do you mean?

Ross: If I want the job, I have to go to Cambridge University

Rachel: What's wrong with that?

** Ross sighs **

Ross: It's in London.

Joey: London, England?

Ross: No. London, Texas.

Joey: At least it's in America!

Ross: YES.....London, England.

Rachel: What'd you tell them?

** Ross stares at the ground **

Rachel ROSS?

Ross: I told them yes.

-- Commercial --

[Phoebe and Monica's apartment, about 5 minutes later]

Rachel (angrily): You told them YES?

Ross: I know, Rach.

Rachel: Well you get your butt over to the phone and tell them you changed your
mind!

Ross: I can't do that!

Rachel: Yes you can

Ross: I cannot changed my mind

Rachel Yes, you can! It's easy! Oh, Ross I'm so happy for you......no wait, This
sucks! See how easy that is?

Ross: But Rach, this has been my dream ever since I was 10 years old

Rachel: But what about OUR dream?

Ross: What if Ralph Lauren came up to you and asked you to be head designer, but
you'd have to go to Paris?

Joey: Paris is over in Texas. At least THAT'S in America. It's a hell of a lot
closer than London......(deep thought).....England!

Rachel: This is different!

Ross: How?

Rachel (shouting): IT JUST IS!

Ross: So are you saying that you would give up your dream?

Rachel (softly):.............No

Ross: I can't give up mine, either

Monica: So you're really going to do this?

Ross: I have to.

Monica: I'm really happy for you

Joey: WHY, GOD WHY??????????????

Ross: Hey, it's gonna be ok. It's not like you'll never see me again. The budget
does allow me to fly back every few months to visit friends and family. And I'll
be here for Christmas, too.

Rachel: It won't be the same

Ross: I know, baby.

Chandler: When do you have to leave?

Ross: I'm supposed to be there in a month

Rachel:.............just 1 month?

Ross: Yeah

** Rachel hugs Ross tightly **

Rachel: I am happy for you, Ross

Ross: Thank you, Rach.

Rachel: But where does this leave us?

Ross: We have to hope our love is strong enough

Rachel: And I do

Ross: I need to go to the office. Donald has some paperwork I need to sign

** Ross Leaves as the rest of the gang gathers in the living room, still in
shock**

Monica: I think I'm too depressed to even clean

** Joey looks relived**

Monica: Which means that you guys will have to pick up the slack. Joey, go get
the vacuum.....Phoebe get the mop. GO GO GO GO GO!

Joey: What about Rachel? Why does she get to bail on this clean crap?

** Monica hits Joey with a pillow **

-- Closing Credits --

[Central Perk. Rachel, Joey and Monica are at their usual places]

Rachel: I can't believe Ross is going all the way to London

Joey......

Rachel: ENGLAND!

Monica: It won't be the same without him

Joey: WHY, GOD, WHY?????

** Rachel goes over to console Joey**

Rachel: It's gonna be OK. We're all going to miss him.

Joey: No. He still owes me $500!

-- The End --