This is just fanfiction. I do not own any of the characters. Please enjoy this and have fun :)! Email me your comments.

 

[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe, Chandler and Joey are sitting while Rachel is waitressing as Monica and Ross enter]

 

All: Hey! Hi! Hey etc.

 

Chandler: What's up, Ross?

 

Ross: Nothin'. I went to the Morgan Chase museum and I had so much fun looking at all the important stuff that were found millions and millions years ago.

 

Chandler: You went WITHOUT US?!

 

Monica: Hey, Pheebs, I got us two dates tomorrow night. Wanna go?

 

Phoebe: Two dates? Oh, I don't, Monica, I don't think I can even be with ONE.

 

Monica: No, no, Phoebe, what I meant was, one for me. And one for you.

 

Phoebe: Oooh! Oh, okay! Now you get the hunk, I get the mess.

 

Joey: And, Chandler, I got us two Knicks tickets tomorrow night. Are ya interested?

 

Chandler: Oh, yeah!

 

Joey: Front seats!

 

Chandler: Front seats! Oh, my god! [BEAT] Oh, wait. I promised Ross to go with him to the public library.

 

Ross: No, hey, Chandler. It's cool. I can find someone else. Like, one of my college professors.

 

Joey: Hey, dude, (whispering) why don't you ask Rachel to go with you?

 

Ross: Oh no. I don't know. I mean, first date and end up at the library? Not so romantic.

 

Chandler: Well, you guys are still friends, right? So you go as friends, and return as goblins!

 

Ross: I don't know......

 

Chandler: Come on...do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it.

 

Ross: Stop it.

 

Chandler: Sorry.

 

Ross: All right. I'll give it a shot. Do I look good? Is my hair fine?

 

Joey: Yeah, Ross, you're fine. Don't worry. Ohh--and to save you from any embarrassments in case she says no--I'll take off all my clothes so all the attention is on me!

 

(Ross glares at Joey, before he starts to walk slowly to the counter.)

 

 

[Scene: Central Perk. Ross is making his move on Rachel.]

 

Ross: Hey, Rach!

 

Rachel: Oh, hey, Ross!

 

Ross: What's up?

 

Rachel: Okay, you know that guy who keeps walking into the coffeehouse and just using the bathrooms?

 

Ross: Yeah, sure.

 

Rachel: All right, today, he bought a cup of latte and left me a two-dollar tip!

 

Ross: Oh, my god! That's great! Ohh--good for you!

 

Rachel: Thank you.

 

Ross: So, uhm, (coughes) what are you doing tomorrow night?

 

Rachel: Uhh...eventually, I think I'll end up eating chocolate chip cookies in bed.

 

(They both laugh.)

 

Ross: Listen, umm, I was wondering if you, uhh, if you would, umm...

 

Guy: (interrupting Ross) Rachel?

 

Rachel: Oh, Dirk! Hi.

 

Dirk: Will you, uh, will you go out with me tomorrow night?

 

Rachel: Oh, wow! My god. Umm...sure!!

 

Dirk: Thanks. I'll pick you up at seven. And I'll make sure to stop by your apartment and use your bathroom. (Laughs, before he leaves the coffeehouse)

 

Rachel: [To Ross] Uh, I'm sorry, Ross, you were saying?

 

[Long Silence]

 

Ross: Never mind. (Walks away)

 

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler, Joey and Ross are there.]

 

Ross: Oh, great. This is just...great! Tonight, Phoebe and Monica have a double date, Joey and Chandler are attending a Knicks game, and Rachel has a date with the coffeehouse bathroom fan! (Pause) So, unfortunately, I will end up sitting on my very comfortable couch, watching Discovery Channel with a big bowl of Pop Corn in my hands! (Pause) How exciting!

 

Joey: Hey, you can go with us if you want.

 

Ross: Really?

 

Joey: Yeah, but I don't know how since I only have two tickets.

 

(Ross groans)

 

Monica: Ross, you'll be fine.

 

Phoebe: Monica, stop trying to be nice to your brother! (Pause) Sometimes the truth may hurt, but so what? Ross, you have no date tonight! You're all alone! (Ross looks desperate) See, didn't that help a little bit?

 

Ross: I have to do something. No, I can't stay at my apartment tonight all alone while Rachel is out there dating some bathroom guy, who, by the way, said will use your bathroom, Monica.

 

(Monica gasps)

 

Monica: Let me check if it's clean again! Oh, my god! (Rushes to the bathroom)

 

Chandler: Ross, why don't you go on a date?

 

Phoebe: Oh, there we go again with the pitty talk!

 

Ross: [To Phoebe] Will you stop doing that?! [to Chandler] You know what? That's a--that's a great idea! That's...that's exactly what I'm gonna do. [Monica returns] Hey, Mon, did Rachel say anything about the restaurant she's going to with that guy, Dirk?

 

Monica: No. (Looks away)

 

Ross: Oh, you know!!

 

Monica: No. No, I don't..

 

Ross: Monica, please. I want to know! Unless you want me singing at Central Perk in front of that guy and Rachel, "Dirk is a big, big, big, fat jerk!! Who seems to do it, do it, do it in Central Perk!!"

 

Monica: Okay, all right, fine. Rachel said something about Restaurant Francisco's.

 

Phoebe: Francisco's? Wow, that's such a romantic restaurant. Good luck, Rachel. (Laughs, and Ross glares at her.)

 

[Time LAPSE. Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is in the kitchen, all dressed and Rachel is in the bathroom. Ross enters.]

 

Monica: Hey, did you say Phoebe yet? We have to go to our date.

 

Ross: You and Phoebe? **Monica glares at him** Sorry. Uhm, no. Didn't see her. Is Rachel around?

 

Monica: Oh, she's in the bathroom.

 

Ross: (whispers) Did jerk Dirk come over yet?

 

Monica: (whispers too, mockingly) No! **Pause** He'll be here in a minute.

 

(Knock on door.)

 

Monica: Oh, that must be him.

 

Ross: I'll get it.

 

Monica: Okay, but please be nice.

 

Ross: Oh, please. (Opens the door and Dirk is there) Hey, jerk. (Coughs) I--I mean, Dirk.

 

Dirk: Hi. Is Rachel done yet?

 

Monica: Oh, no. She'll be out in a second. Have a seat. Ohh--and hi!

 

Ross: Have a seat.

 

Dirk: Thank you. (Sits down) Wow. This couch is comfortable.

 

Monica: Oh, thank you. I'm flattered.

 

(Rachel comes out of the bathroom, and into the kitchen.)

 

Rachel: Why is the bathroom clean?

 

Monica: Because I knew he was coming.

 

Rachel: Oh, Dirk! Hi! (Handshakes and then start to kiss)

 

Ross: No lips, no lips.....

 

(They kiss on their cheeks)

 

Rachel: Oh, Ross, hi!

 

Ross: Hi!

 

Rachel: Wow, where are you going?

 

Ross: Oh, I have a date. Yeah, I'm taking her to Francisco's.

 

Rachel: Oooh. Dirk, shall we go? Or is it too early for Restaurant Javu's yet?

 

(Ross glares at Monica in a mean way, and Monica motions, "I DON'T KNOW!")

 

Rachel: All right, see ya!

 

Monica: Bye!

 

Ross: Have fun!

 

(They leave)

 

Ross: Don't get lucky!! (To Monica) Monica!! You said they were going to Francisco's!!

 

Monica: That's what she told me! All right, well, maybe they changed their mind!

 

Ross: Ugh, great. Now what the hell am I gonna do?

 

Monica: Do you want to use the bathroom? 'Cause it's clean, and Dirk didn't use it.

 

(Phoebe enters.)

 

Phoebe: Hey!

 

Monica: Hey! You ready to go?

 

Phoebe: Sure! Let's go meet Monica's hunk and Phoebe's mess guys!

 

Ross: Where you going?

 

Monica: Allesandro's.

 

Ross: Okay. Have fun.

 

Monica: You too. And don't stay in the apartment for too long. And if you leave, lock the door behind you, please?

 

Ross: Sure. Bye.

 

(Phoebe and Monica leave.)

 

[Scene: At the Knicks Game. Chandler and Joey are looking for their seats.]

 

Joey: Okay, let's see. Front row, seat...(starts to count) All right, here are our seats! (Looks at them and two men are sitting there) Uhh-I'm sorry, you're sitting in our seats.

 

Man 1: Oh, now that creates a problem, now doesn't it?

 

Chandler: It...it kinda does. Since, you see, at the tickets, it says that here are our seats. And you are sitting in them. So...(motions to get up) Please?

 

Man 2: Are they telling us to get up from our seats?

 

Man 1: It looks like it. Listen to me, young men, there are millions of empty seats all the way in the back. So you better get your asses up there, before we kick 'em out!

 

Joey: But if these are our...

 

Man 2: Now!

 

Chandler: (afraid) Okay, I think we should go! (Pushes Joey and him up)

 

[Scene: Alessandro's Restaurant. Phoebe and Monica are with their dates, Justin and Jackson.]

 

Justin: So, Phoebe, what do you do for a living?

 

Phoebe: Oh, I, uh, I'm a masseuse but I also sing, like, floopy and kinda like testosteroney kind of songs, you know?

 

Justin: Yeah.

 

Jackson: What about, Monica?

 

Monica: Oh, uh, I'm a professional chef.

 

Jackson: Oh, interesting. Where do you work?

 

Monica: Oh, that's funny! That's a funny question! But I think we should order now. WAITER!!

 

[Scene: Restaurant Javu's. Rachel and Dirk are having a pleasant dinner.]

 

Dirk: You know, I have to say, I never knew I would end up having a nice pleasant dinner with you.

 

Rachel: Oh, my, thank you. But I'm not famous.

 

Dirk: I know. (Pause) But everytime I go to Central Perk, I see you there. You see, that's kinda the reason why I keep on visiting the place.

 

Rachel: But you spend most of your time in the bathrooms.

 

Dirk: Did you see how big they are?!

 

Rachel: Anyway, umm...I'm happy, excited and glad to be here with you too, Dirk. (Smiles)

 

Dirk: Oh, no, I'm not glad.

 

Rachel: You know, next time just go along with it!

 

(Ross appears)

 

Ross: Oh, my god, Rachel! And...Dirk.

 

Rachel: Hhhi.

 

Ross: Oh, my god. What are you doing here?

 

Rachel: Well, having dinner! (Laughs) What about you? I thought you said you're going to Francisco's?

 

Ross: Oh, yeah, I did say that. Change of plans. I'm here with Miley. (Looks around) Miley? Miley? Miley?! Oh, well, she ran away again!! (Pause) Have a pleasant dinner!

 

Rachel: Thank you!

 

Dirk: You too! Ohh--and good luck finding her!

 

(Ross chuckles at first, but then mimics Dirk as he walks away)

 

Dirk: [to Rachel] So what is up with this guy?

 

Rachel: What, what do you mean?

 

Dirk: Keeps on following us. Gosh, I just can't stand him.

 

Rachel: Oh, well, he's my friend. You--you don't have to stand him. You're not going out with him!

 

Dirk: Well, neither is anybody, apparently!

 

(Rachel looks back and finds Ross sitting at a table alone.)

 

Rachel: Well, maybe she's just in the bathroom.

 

Dirk: Bathroom? Oh, thanks for the reminder! (Walks away)

 

(Ross returns to Rachel)

 

Ross: Hey!

 

Rachel: Hey!!

 

Ross: So? How was dinner?

 

Rachel: Umm, good, after dessert, I'm gonna cut my ears off.

 

Ross: That bad?

 

Rachel: No. He..he is just great. But I don't know. I just don't feel anything when I'm with him. He talks about the strangest things. What about you?

 

Ross: Oh, she's in the bathroom.

 

Rachel: Good. Great! [Long Silence] All right, then!

 

Ross: Okay, see ya later!

 

Rachel: See ya! [Ross walks away]

 

Dirk: [Returns] They're not as clean as the ones at Central Perk. I HATE this place!! Let's get out!

 

 

The part after the commercial break is coming soon with the title "THE ONE WHERE ROSS TRIES AGAIN, PART II"!!